We asked SAUL KHAN to come up with a list of the Most Hearing Loss-inducing Bands on Earth and his response was “WHAAAAT???” so we sent him an email asking him instead. Here’s his list with relevant LOUD youtube clips to illustrate …
Recently it occurred to me, too many kids these days are listening to strange electronic music and auto tune ridiculousness. That’s why I thought it would be a great idea to put together some perfectly cromulent music for you to listen to and educate everyone you know about.
While some of the bands in this list are fantastic jokes, there’s a lot here worth listening to.
NB: If you watch any of these music videos you basically waive any rights you have to listening to anything ever again that is not this. Also you waive all damages against me in case of permanent deafness, seizures and shock induced comas.
This music is not for fun. It will melt your face off, obliterate your eardrums and burn your house down. So please, listen responsibly….
Dethklok
Everyone’s favourite cartoon super band. Despite being a cartoon band from a tv series, they’re better than whatever you listen to now. As an added bonus, this will not only blow your eardrums, but turn all the lights off and the below music video can also give you a seizure!
Kiss (136dB)
Gene Simmons is one of the world’s best fire spitters. The bassist’s fire-spitting is a stunt, but Simmons is actually good at it. He can spit fire 15 feet. Which is roughly the length of his tongue. After all these years Kiss are still up there as one of the truly loudest bands ever to walk the planet!
Motorhead (130dB)
Damage to the Cleveland Variety Centre 1986 – Lemmy’s blood is so toxic that if you transfused his blood into someone it would kill them. There’s also a theory putting mortal blood into him might kill him as his biological makeup has changed to cope with his life as one of those british rock gods who just won’t die.
Manowar (129.5dB)
Loud as hell!! Were in the Guinness book of World Records, however they stopped having a category for loudest band so as to not promote potential hearing loss.
Rammstein
This video is made from LEGO! You need to watch it!
Christopher Lee
Christopher Lee AKA Dracula released a metal album to celebrate his 91st birthday. Possibly the baddest man alive, Christopher Lee helped inspire metal before metal existed. You have to be pretty awesome to be a genre before it exists. He also served with the SAS during WW2 and worked on a project to track down Nazi war criminals after the war. Imagine being a Nazi, you killed hundreds of people, but then you discover that Christopher Lee is knocking on your door to fuck you over. Chuck Norris has nothing on this guy.
Municipal Waste
Because I like to party and so should you.
Mayhem
Famous for burning down churches. The lead singer shot himself in the face with a shotgun and the other members then took his teeth to make necklaces for themselves. He left a suicide note saying sorry about the mess.
Children of Bodom
Some of the most talented musicians out, blending a neoclassical edge into thrash and black metal.
Pantera
Dimebag Darrell was buried in a KISS kasket as one of his dying wishes. As there were only a limited number made Gene Simmons sent one of his own for Dimebag’s family to use.
Meshuggah
Bleed …
Napalm Death
When All Is Said and Done …
Spinal Tap
Because their amps go up to 11 they’re louder than any other band.
Got hearing loss from too many long nights in front of the speakers at your most-loved bands’ gigs, or with the headphones turned up to 11? Get helpful info at HEARNET.org.au
