Master of self-esteem ROB BORG writes about making mistakes, learning from them, and using the greater self-awareness to become more authentic and empowered…
Make Mistakes
“Don’t argue for other people’s weaknesses. Don’t argue for your own. When you make a mistake, admit it, correct it, and learn from it – immediately.” Stephen R. Covey, Author and Speaker.
What happens when you make a mistake? How do you react? What do you believe about making mistakes?
While our natural tendency may be to hide and cover up, what does this do for us in the long term?
One thing it does is to reinforce unhelpful attitudes we hold towards ourselves. What may have helped us learn when we were children no longer serves us in our adult lives. Instead we decide that by making mistakes we are now somehow ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’, and push ourselves to an unattainable perfectionism. And so the cycle of inner judgement and criticism continues.
So how do we change our attitude towards making mistakes?
One change is in the definition we hold. Mistakes are beneficial to our growth. Mistakes help us learn, help us keep on our path. In fact, some go as far as to say that if you are not making mistakes, you are not growing. Another benefit of immediately owning up and learning from our mistakes is that we don’t need to make that mistake again. What a relief!
Exercise: Think of a recent mistake you made. How did you handle it? Could you have made different choices? What disadvantages and/or benefits did your choice bring?
Create a Healthy Self-image
Deep down, what do you really feel about yourself, and who you are? What do you see when you look in the mirror? Are you proud of who you are or only of the things you’ve done? Perhaps you don’t like what you see at all.
You may be saying here, ‘Wait a second Rob – what exactly is a healthy self image anyway? Surely it’s getting into dangerous territory, thinking you’re better than you are?’.
But a healthy self image has nothing to do with judging yourself. In fact, it’s the opposite. Accepting yourself where you are, just as you are now, is the basis of a healthy self image. By using that basis to allow yourself to become aware of what needs changing, it gently brings you into a position where you can readily take action.
Exercise: Write a description of yourself, including any opinions you may have never shared with others. Go and do this now before moving to the next part of this exercise.
Now that you have written your description, read it again, as though it were written by someone else, about someone you have not yet met.
Ask yourself: Would I like this person I have read about? What do you think the author thinks of this person?
Do your answers reveal anything about yourself and your self image? Is it balanced and healthy or is there conflict? What actions do you need to take to improve your self image?
Be Yourself – authentically
Do you remember the last time someone asked how you were, yet they didn’t listen for the answer? Or when you heard someone bragging a little too long over the famous people they know?
We all know people like this – to the extreme we might even go to lengths to avoid them. One reason is that we suspect they are not authentic.
Yet, if we are honest with ourselves, there can be times when we are inauthentic too. Instead of listening to our own truth though, we continue – sometimes in the hope that we will be accepted by someone, or some group. It may be our colleagues, our parents, our peers.
Why do we do this? Is it really that beneficial, to have conditional acceptance from people who we are afraid won’t like us for who we actually are? Why do we give other people what we think they want?
Authenticity, or being ourselves, is the greatest gift we can give ourselves and the world. Every single person has something unique and valuable to offer. All it needs to start is by simply being true to yourself – something every one of us is able to do.
The more authentic we are, the more we grow in self-awareness, the more we achieve what we are meant to achieve. Just like a seed planted in spring, our inner peace has a chance to thrive.
