ROB BORG reveals that a healthy self image stems first of all from authenticity … from there, logical progression is possible …
Being yourself – authentically
Do you remember the last time someone asked how you were, yet they didn’t listen for the answer? Or when you heard someone bragging a little too long over the famous people they know?
We all know people like this – to the extreme we might even go to lengths to avoid them. One reason is that we suspect they are not authentic.
Yet, if we are honest with ourselves, there can be times when we are inauthentic too. Instead of listening to our own truth though, we continue – sometimes in the hope that we will be accepted by someone, or some group. It may be our colleagues, our parents, our peers.
Why do we do this? Is it really that beneficial, to have conditional acceptance from people who we are afraid won’t like us for who we actually are? Why do we give other people what we think they want?
Authenticity, or being ourselves, is the greatest gift we can give ourselves and the world. Every single person has something unique and valuable to offer. All it needs to start is by simply being true to yourself – something every one of us is able to do.
The more authentic we are, the more we grow in self awareness, the more we achieve what we are meant to achieve. Just like a seed planted in spring, our inner peace has a chance to thrive.
Creating a Healthy Self Image
Deep down, what do you really feel about yourself, and who you are? What do you see when you look in the mirror? Are you proud of who you are or only of the things you’ve done? Perhaps you don’t like what you see at all. You may be saying here, ‘Wait a second Rob – what exactly is a healthy self image anyway? Surely it’s getting into dangerous territory, thinking you’re better than you are?’
But a healthy self image has nothing to do with judging yourself. In fact, it’s the opposite. Accepting yourself where you are, just as you are now, is the basis of a healthy self image. By using that basis to allow yourself to become aware of what needs changing, it gently brings you into a position where you can readily take action.
Exercise: Write a description of yourself, including any opinions you may have never shared with others. Go and do this now before moving to the next part of this article.
Now that you have written your description, read it again, as though it were written by someone else, about someone you have not yet met.
Ask yourself: Would I like this person I have read about? What do you think the author thinks of this person?
Do your answers reveal anything about yourself and your self image? Is it balanced and healthy or is there conflict? What actions do you need to take to improve your self image?
Dealing with Rejection
Being rejected is never pleasant. But there are actions we can take to ensure the situation teaches us what we need to learn, and attitudes we can learn to help us in any situation. Here are a few suggestions.
Avoid Taking It Personally
A lot of the time, the rejection isn’t about you.
If you didn’t get a promotion, it could be that the person who got it had slightly different experience or skills.
If someone doesn’t talk to you at a party, perhaps they are just shy.
Be prepared to consider the possibility that it’s not about you. Regardless whether it is or isn’t about you …
Learn From Your Mistakes
Ask yourself: What could I have done differently? What do I know now that I didn’t know then?
Learning is the fastest way not to commit the same mistakes again. This helps you to …
Know Yourself
To learn from your mistakes you need to be honest with yourself. Be open with someone you trust. Explore how you honestly feel. You may come to realise that the situation you were in wasn’t the best choice after all, and you are now free to explore what is.
Once you have a new awareness about yourself, it’s time for…
Action
Keep going! Get out there and welcome the new opportunities coming your way. Put those new lessons into action, test them out.
Dealing with Setbacks
What do you do when something doesn’t turn out like you expect?
Perhaps initially you shrug something off as bad luck. But what happens when a setback occurs again and again? Are you tempted to give up? Or do you struggle on?
Albert Einstein once said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.
Perhaps it’s time for a change of tactic.
Step Back and Look at the Problem
Are you too closely involved with your problem to see the solutions? Take a break, talk to someone appropriate, or even look at it as though it were someone else’s problem. A change in perspective may be all you need to keep moving.
Evaluate Where You are At
What do you have? What do you want? Define both the problem and the goal. The problem may be smaller than you first thought, and once defined, a solution is much easier to come by.
Evaluate the Intangible
What are your beliefs and attitudes about your issue? What are the consequences of these beliefs and attitudes? How useful are they to your situation?
Get Expert Help
Sometimes you need an outsider’s expertise. They may be able to guide you in your decisions on where you need to go next, make suggestions you had never thought of, and give that bit of encouragement you need.
Decisions
We have been given a wonderful opportunity called life, but how many of us are truly making the most of this awesome gift?
It all comes down decisions and the decisions we make.
Making a decision can sometimes be one of the most difficult things.
Making the right decision at that most crucial moment can be the difference between winning and losing, joy and disappointment, or success and failure.
The key lesson is to understand how we make a decision in the first place.
Rob Borg is a Sydney-based life coach, business coach, NLP mentor and public speaker.
How we make decisions will in turn allow us to seize the opportunity and achieve the best possible outcome for ourselves.
